Are Boundaries Biblical?

Boundaries—are they biblical? Are they good or bad? Do they honor God? When we think about boundaries, we often consider property lines or legal limits that keep order in society. But when it comes to emotional and personal boundaries, things get more complicated. Are boundaries a biblical concept, or are they modern constructs that hinder Christian love and self-sacrifice?

The Popular View of Boundaries

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s book Boundaries popularized the idea that Christians should establish personal boundaries to maintain emotional and relational health. They present the story of Sherrie, a woman overwhelmed by the demands of work, family, and church. According to their perspective, Sherrie’s life changes dramatically once she enforces boundaries—her children behave better, her marriage improves, and she excels at work.

But does this reflect the biblical concept of boundaries? Or does it miss something deeper about God’s design for relationships?

The Biblical Perspective on Boundaries

From the very beginning, God established boundaries. In creation, He separated light from darkness, land from sea, and male from female. He gave Adam and Eve a clear boundary: they could eat from any tree except one. Boundaries existed before the fall, demonstrating that limits can be good and necessary.

However, as sin entered the world, boundaries shifted. We see in Scripture how God set national boundaries (Deuteronomy 32:8, Acts 17:26), moral boundaries (Exodus 34:11-16), and spiritual boundaries (Ephesians 2:14-17). But we also see a redemptive theme where God undoes barriers—calling people from every nation to Himself (Isaiah 19:23-25, Hosea 2:23).

Jesus and Boundaries

Some argue that Jesus set boundaries, but the Gospels show that He often crossed them. He touched lepers, spoke with Samaritans, and ministered to the outcast. His concern was not self-protection but self-sacrifice. Paul followed this example, writing:

“I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.”

(2 Corinthians 12:15)

Instead of reinforcing emotional self-preservation, Paul expanded his life for the sake of the Gospel (1 Corinthians 9:19-23).

Practical Wisdom for Boundaries

While Jesus was limitless, we are not. We must acknowledge our physical and emotional limits while remembering that the ultimate goal is to glorify God.

1. Know Your Limits – Steward your health and resources wisely.
2. Love Others Toward Christ – Boundaries should not be about self-protection but about pointing people to Jesus.
3. Seek Wisdom – Every situation is unique. We must prayerfully discern whether God is calling us to sacrifice or step back.

Conclusion

Are boundaries biblical? In one sense, yes—God has established order and limits. But if we use boundaries as walls to avoid discomfort rather than as tools to love wisely, we risk missing God’s greater calling. True biblical boundaries are not about self-preservation but about stewarding our lives for the glory of God.

So, how should Sherrie respond? Rather than simply erecting walls, she should seek wisdom in Christ. Some changes may be necessary, but the goal should always be to love God and others well, even when it stretches her beyond her comfort zone.

Discussion Question:
How do you personally navigate the tension between self-care and sacrificial love?

~Pastor Ben Sexton~